Clocks! Oh boy! Why? Why can’t we all just go with the flow. I used to have to be on time, I swear I mentally would tell myself something starts 20 minutes before so that I would get there “ on time”. That all went out the window when my first baby came.
My sister always used to say just wait till she has more kids then she will be late and she was totally right. It is like I don’t even try anymore. I call it Mama standard time. We put our children first and try to keep them happy while in public. I pack the whole kitchen, pack for a 3 day vacation worth of clothes, and a whole first aid kit in my diaper bag just so that my kids will be “ok” while out. Hence why I am late all the time, have to pack the perfect diaper bag. Back in the day I would use excuses like there was traffic on the highway, or my alarm didn’t go off but now they legitimately have gotten so much better.
Sorry I’m late…..
1. My son decided he needed to poop as soon as we got into the car.
2.I couldn’t find my keys, they were still in the front door from the time we came home a day ago.
3.My daughter decided to have a major blow out, all over my dry clean only white pants
4.My children decided to sleep all morning long, till 11:00am and I missed all the morning activities.
5.I was trying to get my mom bun just right, meaning fixing it for the 20th time because I had one hand to fix it, all while holding a baby on my hip.
6.My daughter decided to projectile vomit all over me which lead to me taking another shower.
7.All of a sudden, my sons shoes and socks “hurt him”.
8.I told my son to put the dog in her bed, instead he lets her run out the front door and she is long gone down the road.
9.My son decided that the wall ledge is a great canvas to draw on as if he was Picasso.
10.Cocoa powder is much better when it is thrown all over the kitchen floor and not put into cake batter, and I had to vacuum it all up which lead in my house smelling like chocolate for a week.
11.My son thinks it is a great idea to lock us inside of his bedroom and I have to crawl out of the bedroom window and call 911 for help, in my UNDERWEAR my I add.
12.A toilet is a better place for a cell phone then in a pocket or purse.
13.My son was ready for his second breakfast, even though he just ate the whole kitchen 20 minutes ago.
14.I mean I’m not late, everyone else is simply just early.
15.My son decided to pee in the front yard, all over my bushes. “They needed a drink mama”.
16.My son decided he wanted to “drive to the beach” and him stay in the driver seat and not get into his carseat without a fight
17.The tags on my son’s shirt were itchy and I had to cut them off.
18.Halfway there, I remembered that the birthday party was last week, and then remembered it was a going away party and I was supposed to bring chips and salsa.
19.Our dog decided to vomit all over my brand new dry clean only rug.
20.The day ended in Y.
WHAT’S YOUR EXCUSE?